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I'm not Happy to see you, I'm just High

Sionne rolled down her window and sniffed the air. A wry smile lit her face, "There's pot somewhere". "What does pot smell like?" I asked from the backseat of her Ford Focus. "Heaven" she replied, dreamily.

I was around 12 and had no idea about anything, including what a "blunts" was. The answer to that question was a loud laugh and endless mocking. I was a boobless, pre-teen who knew nothing about the mysterious world of drugs. I was a late bloomer, in all aspects of life. I preached abstinence and being a straight edge teen until I discovered Cinemax after Dark. Which was 16, the same age I got my period, had my first kiss, and drank my first alcoholic beverage.

I remember my first kiss vividly. I was in my basement nervously watching Pulp Fiction and anxiously anticipating the kiss I knew was coming. It wasn't true love, but I was intoxicated by his smell, a mixture of weed, cigarette smoke, and cologne. Delicious. I do not remember where or when I first started bleeding from my vag or drinking the pungent taste of alcohol. I believe it was a Mike's Hard Lemonade and that it was awful. But age 17 brought a first that I will remember to the end of time. My first high.

My group of friends were having a typical house party and we were all pretty trashed. In the corner a group of guys were rolling joints. My crush was one of the guys licking the sweet white paper. Pumped full of cheap beer and teenage hormones, I sat beside him on the couch. He lit the skinny paper cigar, took a hit, and passed it to me. As I inhaled the delicious smoke, a wave of euphoria washed over me. I had never felt anything like it before. The joy didn't last long as I quickly realized I was now TOO drunk. I slowly got into my sober driver's car and started rambling nonsense. My night had escalated quickly and my head had become a cloud full of random crap. During the 10 minute drive back home, I laughed til I cried, cried until I choked, and stared out the window until my eyes glassed over and I went temporarily blind. I never thought you could forget how to blink.

When I awoke the next morning I had no desire to ever drink again, but the intense urge to find some pot and see if the brief moment from last night could be recreated. A couple of weeks passed before I got another hit. Not only was the head high epic, but I was no longer in pain. My joints eased, my stomach cramps relaxed, and my inflamed muscles soothed themselves. I was in disbelief. I knew the feeling wasn't permanent, but any relief, even temporary, was worth it. I had tried pharma drugs for years, but nothing had eased my Crohns' like some grass. No wonder cows were so happy. That shit was great.

I spent most of my senior beach week, freshman year and first half of sophomore of college recreating different rap videos. I smoked out of gravity bongs, bowls, one-hitters, 3 foot bongs, joints, blunts, and best of all vaporizers. I tried all varieties. Purple haze, blueberry yum -yum, head highs, body highs, imported, and domestic. If Seth Rogen had come to Kent, Ohio we would've had a grand ole time talking about being curly-haired jewish stoners and smoking out of my homemade mountain dew bong. I stopped when I did my internship in Disney because I couldn't get Mickey's judgemental face out of my mind, even though we all know Goofy is a complete pot head. I didn't start again until I was put back together, but by then I used it primarily as medicine.

I smoked when I didn't feel well, when I accidently ate something I shouldn't have, when I purposely ate something I shouldn't have...I love cake, I'm not going to apologize for that...or when I had no desire to eat. I never went to work or school high. I was and still am a very responsible drug user. I love marijuana for everything that it does for me: makes funny tv and movies HILARIOUS, ups my appetite, and pushes aside my pain. Being high has never ruined my night, it has never given any of my sexual partners a limp dick, and it has never done me wrong, like alcohol has. I strongly believe that everyone should have the opportunity to experience the glory of THC and get to inhale heaven. It is unregrettable and unforgettable.

Look at how happy I am. Pot is grand. 


  1. I love all your posts, but this one is especially hilarious, especially the photo! I love your honesty, it is rare in this situation. I am curious as to what your doctors said about this...:)


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