Skip to main content

Heaven

I'm not Happy to see you, I'm just High

Sionne rolled down her window and sniffed the air. A wry smile lit her face, "There's pot somewhere". "What does pot smell like?" I asked from the backseat of her Ford Focus. "Heaven" she replied, dreamily.

I was around 12 and had no idea about anything, including what a "blunts" was. The answer to that question was a loud laugh and endless mocking. I was a boobless, pre-teen who knew nothing about the mysterious world of drugs. I was a late bloomer, in all aspects of life. I preached abstinence and being a straight edge teen until I discovered Cinemax after Dark. Which was 16, the same age I got my period, had my first kiss, and drank my first alcoholic beverage.

I remember my first kiss vividly. I was in my basement nervously watching Pulp Fiction and anxiously anticipating the kiss I knew was coming. It wasn't true love, but I was intoxicated by his smell, a mixture of weed, cigarette smoke, and cologne. Delicious. I do not remember where or when I first started bleeding from my vag or drinking the pungent taste of alcohol. I believe it was a Mike's Hard Lemonade and that it was awful. But age 17 brought a first that I will remember to the end of time. My first high.

My group of friends were having a typical house party and we were all pretty trashed. In the corner a group of guys were rolling joints. My crush was one of the guys licking the sweet white paper. Pumped full of cheap beer and teenage hormones, I sat beside him on the couch. He lit the skinny paper cigar, took a hit, and passed it to me. As I inhaled the delicious smoke, a wave of euphoria washed over me. I had never felt anything like it before. The joy didn't last long as I quickly realized I was now TOO drunk. I slowly got into my sober driver's car and started rambling nonsense. My night had escalated quickly and my head had become a cloud full of random crap. During the 10 minute drive back home, I laughed til I cried, cried until I choked, and stared out the window until my eyes glassed over and I went temporarily blind. I never thought you could forget how to blink.

When I awoke the next morning I had no desire to ever drink again, but the intense urge to find some pot and see if the brief moment from last night could be recreated. A couple of weeks passed before I got another hit. Not only was the head high epic, but I was no longer in pain. My joints eased, my stomach cramps relaxed, and my inflamed muscles soothed themselves. I was in disbelief. I knew the feeling wasn't permanent, but any relief, even temporary, was worth it. I had tried pharma drugs for years, but nothing had eased my Crohns' like some grass. No wonder cows were so happy. That shit was great.

I spent most of my senior beach week, freshman year and first half of sophomore of college recreating different rap videos. I smoked out of gravity bongs, bowls, one-hitters, 3 foot bongs, joints, blunts, and best of all vaporizers. I tried all varieties. Purple haze, blueberry yum -yum, head highs, body highs, imported, and domestic. If Seth Rogen had come to Kent, Ohio we would've had a grand ole time talking about being curly-haired jewish stoners and smoking out of my homemade mountain dew bong. I stopped when I did my internship in Disney because I couldn't get Mickey's judgemental face out of my mind, even though we all know Goofy is a complete pot head. I didn't start again until I was put back together, but by then I used it primarily as medicine.

I smoked when I didn't feel well, when I accidently ate something I shouldn't have, when I purposely ate something I shouldn't have...I love cake, I'm not going to apologize for that...or when I had no desire to eat. I never went to work or school high. I was and still am a very responsible drug user. I love marijuana for everything that it does for me: makes funny tv and movies HILARIOUS, ups my appetite, and pushes aside my pain. Being high has never ruined my night, it has never given any of my sexual partners a limp dick, and it has never done me wrong, like alcohol has. I strongly believe that everyone should have the opportunity to experience the glory of THC and get to inhale heaven. It is unregrettable and unforgettable.

Look at how happy I am. Pot is grand. 

Comments

  1. I love all your posts, but this one is especially hilarious, especially the photo! I love your honesty, it is rare in this situation. I am curious as to what your doctors said about this...:)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm back

I've lost so many months. I know that sounds odd. How can someone lose months? Easily, time flies when you are chronically ill. I know that sounds odd.
Hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, on and on until one day you realize it's March and you have been hospital sick since October. What the actual flying fuck? I missed winter again. That's twice in 3 years. I lost summer before that...5 years ago.
5 years ago I had to give up my dreams, quit my job, and start contemplating Plan B. I didn't know what the hell Plan B was (my plan, not the pill...phew, what a lifesaver in college). Now, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what Plan F could possibly entail and I can't believe how many seasons I've lost.
I've been sick since I was 10. For years I was wrapped in a blanket in the basement watching Charmed and Sabrina (I thought I was a witch for awhile, not Wiccan, a real magical witch who could control waves. It was a rough time.) At 16 came the blee…

Failure is not an Option

Friday afternoon- sitting in the passenger side of mom's red infiniti sports car on the way to Wegman's. We had just left my 2 1/2 hour long allergy appointment, I called my GI doctor's nurse.

"Hello. This is Gabrielle Rosenfeld. I am returning your call"

"Hi, Ms. Rosenfeld. We got your blood work back and I can't really say anything until a doctor looks at them, but, well..."

(5 minute conversation about my GI doctor's upcoming wedding and then back to business)

"I can't say anything right now. but the Humira levels and antibodies. It's nothing bad. Don't concern yourself. I will tell you on Monday or Tuesday, once they have a chance to read them."

"Great. Thanks."

(After 14 years, you know where this is heading...your body struck again. You know that all the hope and positive thinking in the fucking verse won't change your body. You know that whenever you try to get healthy your body goes on the defensive. {In…

Humorless

On Thursday I went numb. On Friday I went crazy. They stole my humor.  24 hours without a word from a doctor, the last one I saw told me that he didn't think I was having a stroke, but he'll go talk to his attendings and be back in a couple hours. 24 hours nurses and techs tried to get ahold of a doctor and each time they were dismissed and ignored. 24 hours I sat in a hospital bed wondering what I had done to deserve this, what I had done to be treated like a divorcee begging for her husband to come home and explain why. All I wanted was to talk and ask them a question, all I wanted was to be treated like an equal. They may have spent half their life in medical school, but I spent half my life fighting this disease. We are both experts in the field of Crohns.

My last hospitalization in November and December was two parts I've broken down into parts A and B. I agreed to be admitted to the hospital, begrudgingly, because I had no appetite or thirst. I was in excruciating pai…