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Once Upon A Throne

Once Upon A Time in a hospital room far, far away in the enchanted land of Baltimore...

I love fairytales more than the average person. I'm 2 steps away from wearing wings and forging my own weapons. I definitely love them more than 90% of men and 78% of women (these numbers are fake, I just made them up. You can do that now). Fairytales have an enchanting power over me and toddlers. For so long I have daydreamed about finally breaking the evil curse.

In my marvelous thoughts, I am a magnificent princess with the greatest hair in all the realms and a rack known throughout the land (every fantasy needs to start with a touch of realism). I rule my kingdom with a strong and noble, yet dainty, fist. When I was 10, I ate an apple from a warlock disguised as John Travolta. Knowing I would take anything he offered me, the apple poisoned my body and made my cells turn against me. Then, one glorious sunny morning in my early 30s, Prince Jesse gallops into my hospital room on a massive hypoallergenic white steed,  gives me true love's kiss with a smidge of tongue, and cures me. Then, carefully with the help of a CRN, takes my PICC out and whisks me away to our happily ever after... a carb-laden land where I can again eat mozzarella sticks, Costco vanilla cake, strawberry milkshakes, and as many Reese's eggs that I can shove in my gorgeous, salivating mouth.

I believe in magic and true love. I know my fairytale will become real... some day.


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