Skip to main content


I don't usually post about things as they are happening live in my life. I am normally too emotional and raw (and sometimes too high) to talk about them, but after some insistence from Sionne, here we are. Welcome to my Hell Hole.

I am fucking miserable.

I stopped taking my Allegra, Nasacort, and Benadryl two weeks ago. I had an allergy appointment scheduled a week ago and the allergist said that I needed one week off of allergy medication in order for his testing to be effective. Four years ago I went to an allergist and the skin test revealed that I was allergic to absolutely fucking everything they tested.  They thought that meant that my Crohn's was flaring, in a shocking twist, so I never got any treatment. This year, in my quest to get as healthy as I possibly can, I actually obeyed a doctor's order. It wasn't great, but it wasn't unlivable.  

Then, at the appointment last week, the tests still didn't work.  The allergist told me that I needed another detox week, this time I had to keep away from the allergy meds, plus my Zantac, my anti depressants/sleeping pills, Restasis, and decrease my pain patch from 37mg to 12mg. Now, keeping in mind that I'm basically just starting to feel better after this last hospitalization situation and we're hitting peak bloom, I was less than thrilled. And now, it's been almost a week and I am counting the minutes to the appointment tomorrow and packing my purse with all of my withheld medications.  There is so much pressure in my head, I'm terrified that my brain may bust out of its cage. I'm so white, if I checked the ethnicity box for "other" as I always do, it would feel like a lie. I am Sleepy's pissed off ghost. 

I am fucking miserable.

Last week was not a total waste of an appointment.  I also found out that I have eczema, environmental allergies, and another autoimmune disease (one more to add the collection, maybe if I find them all I get a prize) that causes me to get random hives, no matter if I am around my triggers. 

I am fucking miserable.

In other progress news from the visit, I had a chance to show the allergist the disgusting rash that looked like dinosaur skin (fresh, not fossilized) that I got from the cleaning agent that my doctor used before giving me trigger point injections at my last GI appointment. Turns out I need to use Vaseline and Aquaphor on my body to keep the moisture in and the rash out. So, I went to the grocery store and bought two tubs of that thick ass shit. Jesse says that it is preserving me, which would be excellent. Diseases be damned, I would love to look this way forever sans the teenage pimples. I used it on Saturday after I showered to lock in that water, knowing that I would put on makeup and do my hair, so it would have time to set. It was over an hour before I could put clothes on and even then I was still moist. Which in addition to being a gross word is not a pleasant sensation; it's right up there with sticky and muddy. It was like DC in the summer when you're inside, but still damp. I am now terrified of taking shower, if that's what I have to look forward to. I'll become a sexy Pig-Pen.

I am fucking miserable. 

How long until tomorrow?


Popular posts from this blog

I'm back

I've lost so many months. I know that sounds odd. How can someone lose months? Easily, time flies when you are chronically ill. I know that sounds odd.
Hours turn into days, days turn into weeks, on and on until one day you realize it's March and you have been hospital sick since October. What the actual flying fuck? I missed winter again. That's twice in 3 years. I lost summer before that...5 years ago.
5 years ago I had to give up my dreams, quit my job, and start contemplating Plan B. I didn't know what the hell Plan B was (my plan, not the pill...phew, what a lifesaver in college). Now, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what Plan F could possibly entail and I can't believe how many seasons I've lost.
I've been sick since I was 10. For years I was wrapped in a blanket in the basement watching Charmed and Sabrina (I thought I was a witch for awhile, not Wiccan, a real magical witch who could control waves. It was a rough time.) At 16 came the blee…

Failure is not an Option

Friday afternoon- sitting in the passenger side of mom's red infiniti sports car on the way to Wegman's. We had just left my 2 1/2 hour long allergy appointment, I called my GI doctor's nurse.

"Hello. This is Gabrielle Rosenfeld. I am returning your call"

"Hi, Ms. Rosenfeld. We got your blood work back and I can't really say anything until a doctor looks at them, but, well..."

(5 minute conversation about my GI doctor's upcoming wedding and then back to business)

"I can't say anything right now. but the Humira levels and antibodies. It's nothing bad. Don't concern yourself. I will tell you on Monday or Tuesday, once they have a chance to read them."

"Great. Thanks."

(After 14 years, you know where this is heading...your body struck again. You know that all the hope and positive thinking in the fucking verse won't change your body. You know that whenever you try to get healthy your body goes on the defensive. {In…


On Thursday I went numb. On Friday I went crazy. They stole my humor.  24 hours without a word from a doctor, the last one I saw told me that he didn't think I was having a stroke, but he'll go talk to his attendings and be back in a couple hours. 24 hours nurses and techs tried to get ahold of a doctor and each time they were dismissed and ignored. 24 hours I sat in a hospital bed wondering what I had done to deserve this, what I had done to be treated like a divorcee begging for her husband to come home and explain why. All I wanted was to talk and ask them a question, all I wanted was to be treated like an equal. They may have spent half their life in medical school, but I spent half my life fighting this disease. We are both experts in the field of Crohns.

My last hospitalization in November and December was two parts I've broken down into parts A and B. I agreed to be admitted to the hospital, begrudgingly, because I had no appetite or thirst. I was in excruciating pai…