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Invisible and a little sensitive (and a little angry)

People with invisible disabilities, such as chronic pain or illnesses are often accused of faking or imagining their disabilities. Who accuses these people of faking or imagining these disabilities?

Mostly it is the person whom it is affecting. Not discounting the doctors or family or friends or co-workers or strangers who make passing judgments. Especially the old coots who think it is perfectly kosher to steal people's wheelchairs in airports, fucking wrinkly twats (literally đŸ˜¬). 

One of my close friends, who I've known since childhood, was always extremely active and outdoorsy. She never let anyone or anything slow her ass down until one day she couldn't even get that beautiful behind out of bed; she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She has been constantly fighting not only her body, but the stigma of having a disease that many people consider fake or superficial. 

This past year she had a terrible flare, which meant all over pain, plus vertigo and chronic migraines. She could barely lift her arms to wash her hair and even walking from her bed to the bathroom was extremely difficult. She is a kindergarten teacher, so imagine having to deal with not only your problems, but also a room full of screaming, sticky, needy little humans. She went and taught every day, no matter the pain she was in. She tried medicines and yoga and massages, until her flare finally up eased. 

The worst part was feeling alone, trapped in her body, unable to accurately express everything she was going through. When the world sees her, all they see is a smiley, happy, gorgeous woman, not the woman who wants to rip her brain out of her ears, so she can have a little peace. Not the woman who can't understand why her body loathes her so much and constantly cries in frustration and pain. Her outside and inside didn't match, but no one saw it (and if they did, they could only sympathize or pity). 

Most people with invisible diseases hate pity, we don't need it. Don't apologize to us. You didn't do anything, you don't even know most of us. All we ask for is understanding, and a smidge of compassion. For me it is like a dagger into my elusive mostly blackened soul, when I hear "you look so good" I want to scream, "I always look like this! It has nothing to do with how I actually am, I threw up seven times today." 

Looking good, is another fuck you from our asshole bodies. My body loves inflicting Manny Pacquiao ass whooping- level organ pain, while at the same time giving me majestic horse hair and hips that don't lie. My cunt-body is constantly attacking my insides making them look inflamed, swollen and bloody, but outside I look like a solid 6.5 (hotness scale-wise). Check out that profile pic, I'm not below a 5 on anyone's scale. I know that much. 

When I'm on the subway and sit in the disabled seat I get the nastiest looks from passengers, like I'm a fucking entitled jackass millennial incapable of reading or following rules. Meanwhile, my millennial hip is so inflamed I walk with a Forrest Gump-limp and I can't stand erect like a normal homo sapien because my stomach is one giant cramp (imagine the worst period cramp multiplied by a million) and... I AM (begrudgingly) FUCKING DISBALED. I always relish the look of shock when I stand up and walk like a gang banger who got shot in the leg and stomach, bleeding out trying to find a shady doctor. 

Disabled people, visible and invisible, are all god damn warriors who deserve your respect, not someone to pity, judge, or disbelieve. 

This warrior thanks you for reading. đŸ˜‰


Comments

  1. Hey Gabrielle, I've been loving your blog since finding it a few weeks ago when you posted to the crohn's subreddit. Great sense of humor, please keep it up. Wanted to share my own creative outlet for dealing with Crohn's. I created a youTube channel to teach folk how to cook and diet to better manage IBD, and try to ham it up same as your blog. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNkZ3bKU19n6D_TgXLt63MA

    If you have a favorite crohn's friendly recipe let me know. Would love to try it out and maybe turn it into an episode and shout out your blog. I'm hoping to create a community of people and resources who like to address Crohn's with comedy.

    Thanks again for the awesome posts you've been making. Cheers, James

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi James,

      Thank you so much for reading! I love your YouTube channel and would love to share a recipe. I have a scallion pancake I am perfecting. I will make it today and see if I have finally mastered it and then I will send you the recipe!!!

      Thanks again,
      Gabrielle

      Delete

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